my veins are hollow my blood is gushing

2012-02-10T20:15:00.001+08:00

崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉崔勝鉉

2012-02-09T20:41:00.000+08:00

2012-02-05T21:17:00.000+08:00

2012-02-04T17:27:00.000+08:00

2012-02-03T16:13:00.000+08:00

2012-02-03T15:18:00.000+08:00

Concluded that my day is bad and will be bad ever since I received the news that I needed to wear specs. Depressing..

A Change is necessary for this blog!

2012-02-01T22:26:00.002+08:00

will update soon!

2012-01-07T23:13:00.002+08:00

Starting to realize, is it just me or are things just changing?
Just because I don't show it doesn't mean I lack of.
The more you disbelieve in me, the more I'll challenge you.

SNSD's CONCERT IN SINGAPORE

2011-12-11T22:55:00.000+08:00

SNSD's concert was freaking fun!

We had the best seats! We were seating at the first row in our entire block!

And when the girls came to the platform area and provided fan services, we totally died!

Esp when Hyoyeon came! She was such a nice and sweet person! She waved to us like more than 10 times?
Yes US. Like when the rising stage was moving up, she was directly in front of us!

Like seriously?! That good?!

Anyway Taeyeon was also such a nice person! She was sick but she still provided such excellent fan service!

We were waving and screaming at Taeyeon like mad!

Reason being: My bias - Yuri Taeyeon and Seohyun!

Ok, so when Taeyeon was returning to the main stage, she walked the platform at our area!

We were screaming for Taeyeon and I was video taping it down!

My cousin did a significant heart shape with her hands and guess what..

TAEYEON DID EXACTLY THE SAME BACK TO HER!

Thank god I taped it down but the angles seems really off. God, I need a new camera!

So anyway, Tiffany and Jessica waved to us! But it was not as good as Hyoyeon and Taeyeons' fan service!

So in short, Tiffany, Jessica, Hyoyeon, Taeyeon and Yuri had eye contact with us!

Eye contact with Yuri was the most short!

Seohyun and Yuri really made me sad. They were consistently facing the standing areas and not the seated area! I guess because there were many guys and fan banners there?

Yeah, We called out to both of them like MAD. MAD

I swear, I was screaming like an idiot trying to gain their attention but no. It failed :(

I guess they didn't like our block since most of us didn't look like SONES - most of our block people didn't buy the light sticks.. HAHAHA

So yea, here are some videos I filmed:

2011-12-10T15:57:00.001+08:00

MAMA2011SG

2011-11-30T10:45:00.001+08:00

MAMA was crazy I swear!!! Freaking swear!!
Although there were some parts I was freaking displeased with, to be honest, it was worth every single penny!!
I didn't capture LONELY on my camera!! (ultimate anger)
But the reason for that was because I couldn't even see them as they were in the inner stage singing!

Superjunior did very well! Their performances was freaking cool!! Big budget??
And Siwon flew past us I MEANT LITERALLY PAST US...
EunHyuk and Siwon was my 'bias' yesterday cos my aim for Superjunior videos and pictures were both of them!Everyone sang along for MR SIMPLE and SORRY SORRY but not SUPERMAN!!
Too much korean rap/words in Superman!

SNSD's performance was really cool because the crowd sang THE BOYS together!
But it wasn't cool when they only sang a song! They could have sang Mr Taxi or something since Superjunior sang SORRY SORRY.

2NE1's performance was crazy!! The crowd literally sang along for I'M THE BEST AND LONELY.
Naega jeil jal naga!~
I was quite annoyed when 2NE1 was singing LONELY at the inner stage and I could only referred to the screen to see them!
But I'M THE BEST was CRAZY I SWEAR. THE CROWD FREAKING CHANTED ALONG!! 'BILLION DOLLAR BABY!~'
OMG, I have to say, now I'm a certified Blackjack!!

Though I'm not a pro Superjunior or SNSD, but their performances were really good, because the whole crowd sang along. It was like scary yet exciting!!

B2ST's one was really.. I don't know what to say.. They didn't even walked to the center stage! I have no comments...

Simon D, I thought he was going to sing Cheerz, but he sang with YB, this made me disappointed! Really wished he sang Cheerz.

Ok, that's all for my thoughts! Here are some pictures:

2011-11-28T15:18:00.000+08:00

2011-11-26T17:18:00.000+08:00

2011-11-25T22:03:00.001+08:00

emotional breakdown

MAMA2011SG

2011-11-22T13:29:00.001+08:00

OMG GUYS I BOUGHT TICKETS TO MAMA2011SG.
I REALLY HOPE BIGBANG COMES SINGAPORE!IF NOT, I GUESS I'LL GIVE 2NE1 MY FULLEST ATTENTION AND BE ROOTING FOR THEM LIKE MAD!
THIS POST IS IN CAPS BECAUSE OF THE EXCITEMENT I HAVE.

OMGGUYS VOTE FOR BIGBANG 2NE1 AND TABLO ALRIGHT?!
http://mama.mnet.com/en/vote.asp

goodbye! xxx

2PM HANDS UP CONCERT!!!

2011-11-20T22:10:00.000+08:00

It was quite an experience though I sat super far away from them!
I was suppose to get the most expensive seats but ah, that area was cordoned off!
Nevertheless, it was freaking fun because of Cherise! Hahaha, she was randomly screaming like mad!
I tried taking more pics, but it kind of failed:
- It was too far and my camera is not good enough (cries)
- The stupid security team or whatever were walking around. Bleh

anyway, here's a video of the crowd going crazy!
sorry, this is the best I could find because I was constantly moving and jumping around!

I must thank my cousin and Amanda so much!! Thank you!! xxxx

2011-11-18T16:05:00.001+08:00

Yesterday, in spite of the aggravating 11 hours of work, it was still very fun with the company of my colleagues. Omo, work is really very enjoyable because the bosses and 'senior' treated me well!
Oh, can't wait for work!! Excluding Sundays because I'm afraid it will be busy as hell and I haven't really learn most things yet!
Ok, best of luck Jolie!!

Goodbye! x

T.O.P's wife

2011-11-15T21:06:00.000+08:00

MY UNEVEN SKIN TONE + GOOD PAINT SKILLS = I OWN T.O.P

2011-11-13T23:55:00.001+08:00

INTERESTING COMMENTS FROM YOUTUBE ABOUT TOP:

after filming this video, it was reported that the snake passed away on that day due to sudden rush of adrenaline and had absorbed too much sex appeal from the eyes.
conclusion: THE SNAKE WAS A FEMALE.

if TOP is ugly then i must be cow

Pre debut Q: Daesung is.. TOP: He (Daesung) has this personality that no one can never hate..
after debut Q: When are you really mad? TOP: When I see daesung smile

OKAY WTF HE WAS LIKE BURNING A HOLE THROUGH THEIR SKULLS DONT YOU STARE AT HIM LIKE THAT THATS MY MAN YOU ARE LOOKING AT

2011-11-12T22:05:00.001+08:00

I'll not stay or be there just for anyone so easily anymore.
In fact, I do not stay long for things, let alone people.
I'll be there for the people who have been there for me.

I can understand why I like being alone. The serenity.
I have only a few people whom I can gladly trust. Thank God for these friends.

Life is not going to be easy, it's a tough journey. Mine is coming in the form of loneliness.

All my blog posts are so similar. It tends to be summarized as LONELINESS.

While I was on my way home alone, I was listening to 'I don't care' by 2NE1.
Instantly, I thought of some friends. No, not because I don't care about them.
I feel that some of them are drifting away from me. Slowly.
It is as though some has forgotten me. Is this a process we all have to go through?

enough with this boring shit!
Anyway, I'm officially starting work tomorrow!
YAY! Hope that it will not be awkward!!

goodnight x

2011-11-10T14:18:00.000+08:00

2011-11-09T15:18:00.000+08:00

2011-11-05T17:03:00.000+08:00

My current favorite movie!
These are the gifs of TOP I've just created!!

Anyway, I really feel quite disappointed at how humanity is. Not trying to stereotype here, but the movie was so haunting. It just evokes a very sad feeling. Can't believe how fortunate am I to live in this era.
We should really thank god that wars don't happen as much in the past compared to now. Feeling so thankful..

x

2011-11-04T14:28:00.001+08:00

It's bingu T.O.P's birthday today!! Happy birthday QTπ!!! Hope you have a great day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love you forever!!!!!!! xxx

2011-10-30T14:42:00.000+08:00

2011-10-28T19:51:00.000+08:00

This is rather a random post! I'm still thinking whether should I go for SNSD's concert? Sorry! Fan girl moment is up!! Hahahah, contemplating.. Hmmm, I'm hoping Big Bang will come to Singapore next year! Gosh.. Anyway this is a nonsensical post!! Wish I can make a right decision!

P/S: Omg, I have 1 South Korean reader!!! Hahah, you probably would not read my blog anymore but 안녕하세요!!

2011-10-28T19:36:00.001+08:00

I'm feeling quite sad because the Thailand trip with my cousins upcoming the end of year might have to be cancelled? To make things worst, I've already paid for my air ticket and lodgings.. Okay, God bless the people at Thailand.. The most important is the safety of the Thai people.

I heard it's getting real bad, leading to the closure of the airport? This is so so bad. There was even a news article about a crocodile that escaped because of the floods. Okay, right now, there's not much a 15 year old like me can do, but pray. I pray that the floods would withdraw (is this the right word?) and everything would be fine! No casualties would be reported, too! Pray that everything is alright and fine. Guys, please pray because you don't know the strength of prayers! Lord is listening to us every now and then.

Also, I read online that Turkey had an earthquake. I'm not questioning what God has done? To me, I feel that God is punishing us for our misdeeds.. Punishing us for all the horrible, macabre things we have done. Ask yourself, have we all sinned? I'm sinning. Yes, am. But I can't find a way to stop... I've lost support from the people around me.. I know I do not attend cell/church that often and regularly as before. But this doesn't mean that I'm backsliding. I would prefer to do my 'church' activities at home. Because HOME is the most comfortable and best place I would like to be..

I'm not trying to say I'm a goody good Christian. But I'm trying to be one. However, I have sinned too much which I feel I cannot become one.. But the Lord is here, for all whom we trust. He will wash away our sins and make us a better person.. I'm doing this as often as I can. Have faith and trust, help will be offered to you.

God bless all!
Have a great weekend!

x

2011-10-24T15:32:00.000+08:00

I failed both Chemistry and Physics. If I failed only Chemistry, I wouldn't be this dejected. Failing Physics is the last thing I can ever imagine. No one can comprehend how I felt when I saw my marks. It was like as though the sky fell and everything was wrong. I had only failed Physics once in my whole sec 3 life, and that was during a common test which I had scored 18/40. But this time, I don't know what struck or affected me. I have never ever did so badly for Physics. I couldn't even manage to get a passing grade for my MCQ section. Worst, my marks for Chemistry was even higher for my Physics paper. It was just a 1 mark difference yet it matters a lot.
It was so weird because I had a classmate who had the exact same situation as me. He failed both his Sciences and he expected to do well for Physics. He even dreamed that he scored A1 for Physics. Not that I thought I would score an A1, it just never came into my mind that I will fail. I was hoping for some decent marks and all I get was this. I remembered, I studied so hard for Physics for several hours, neglecting History which I had History exam the next day. And now, all I get is this. Urgh, feeling so lousy right now..

Never mind, it's okay to not do well now. Chin up!! Everything will be alright!

x

Me:

2011-10-22T21:58:00.000+08:00

There is no doubt I dislike people in general. But, one thing for sure, if you don't bother me, I'll not have any negative feelings towards you. I dislike the school community. That's a reason why I do not have much friends in school. I'd prefer to have some couple of trustworthy friends and be close to just my classmates. I don't feel pathetic, instead I think it's a joy. Apparently, without a reason, I'll just feel pressurized when I'm with a big group of people. My mind goes like this: I have to present myself well in front of others. I'm not trying to put up a facade of myself, being such a goody good, nice pleasant girl. No, in fact, I'm one who always shows negative characteristics about me. I don't like building up a faux image. Ok, so it refers that I have not much friends and I'm happy about this.

Talking about being alone, I love being alone... Sometimes. This reminds me of Tumblr, FOREVERALONE. Hahaha right, but yes, I'm fine with being alone. Being alone is like... you listening to your own thoughts and having random conversations with yourself in your own mind. OK I'M NOT WEIRD. THIS IS ME.. lol.When I'm alone, I tend to have more intellectual ideas. Not trying to say I'm smart or whatever. But, when I'm alone, I have more personal space to think? Don't you feel and think so? It's like I have the ample space to ponder over questions and happenings around me. Speaking about personal space, I'm a person who needs personal space. Be it physically, or mentally.. This is really a very very bad issue which I cannot help..

So yeap. Sometimes when I'm alone, I feel lonely? It's much of a contradict to what I had just said. But most of the time, I love being alone!

Of course! I love my friends! I love my family! But still, I would prefer to stay alone! Hahahahgoodnight people! Have a great night! x

2011-10-22T14:14:00.000+08:00

2011-10-22T09:17:00.000+08:00

At the supermarket:

2011-10-21T17:13:00.000+08:00

2011-10-20T22:15:00.000+08:00

I've to say I am not who I am.I appear to be strong on the outside, but I am fragile on the inside.My exterior is coated with strong metal that you can penetrate. Yet, my interior is just made of glass.I have never admit I will get hurt. But this time, I would really wish I'm alone. Is it my imagination? It is like unstable on the inside but yet my exterior hides it from everyone.I confess, I really think too much. However, most of the time, I'm right. is this even true

2011-10-20T16:13:00.000+08:00

2011-10-19T17:34:00.000+08:00

一山还有一山高

2011-10-19T16:31:00.001+08:00

I strongly hate self centered people. It's not as if the world revolves solely on you only.Quit thinking you are the best and the center of attention.There is always someone better than who you are.

2011-10-18T18:11:00.000+08:00

2011-10-17T17:18:00.001+08:00

2011-10-17T17:16:00.000+08:00

2011-10-16T21:11:00.001+08:00

Losing Faith? I hope not.I haven't attended cell meetings and church for the past 1-2 months?It's just I feel very tired. The end

Type?

2011-10-15T22:29:00.001+08:00

What type of girl am I?I would call myself a very subjective person also, a very fickle minded person.This mind of mine can't last long. Completely fickle! Bad.. I would refer myself as half eccentric but not the whole of it. Sometimes, I can be a complete extrovert, other times, an introvert. I don't know how to explain this though. Just weird.Anyway, I'm having this very negative, honest opinion on people. Ok, since most people label 'people' as society, I shall use 'society' as my term of people.Society treats those who are better looking better? Yes? No?Just recently, this statement has lingered and I have pondered.I made a conclusion - Yes and No.Definitely, people would take another look when a better looking person walks past compared to your average face.The scene when Rachel McAdams was trying to get off with the smoothie free in Hot Chicks just occurred to me.But I don't really understand. What is so attractive when your personality/characteristic is so turn off?Why do people even like you?Ok, I don't know how to express my thoughts here.. HmmmmFor my disagreement, I have a rough idea why I said no, but at the same time, I don't know how to say..How do I even say?....Ok anyway, Monday is a holiday!!!!!x

2011-10-14T16:09:00.000+08:00

2011-10-13T21:47:00.002+08:00

2011-10-13T21:41:00.001+08:00

As we know, life has many ups and downs. I have finished going through this aggravating week. God bless all!x

2011-09-24T20:50:00.001+08:00

2011-09-23T21:22:00.000+08:00

I never had the chance to visit a fashion show where professional models would take control of the whole runway. How depressing. Sadly speaking, there was one on Sunday yet I missed it! I could have went you know! Seeing models strutting down the runway instead of watching on youtube or magazines! I didn't went for FASHIONQUAKE because I had to save money for my BKK trip also, I had a test on the following day! Also, SE7EN was there! What.. Someone... just.. ok this is so agonizing. I would really love to see Freja/Frida/Abbey in real life! I hope when I grow older, I would have some of their elements in me! Me having a strong bone structured face like Freja... Perfect. Am I asking too much if I want to be a little like them? Yes?....x

2011-09-21T21:07:00.000+08:00

the sun is hot but our hearts are frozen

foundation

2011-09-20T21:00:00.001+08:00

2011-09-11T22:20:00.001+08:00

I feel so empty.. Because my life can't go back to how I spent it the past 2 weeks..

Watching RM everyday for 12 hours straight. I'm not even kidding.. I'll miss this life. I look so depressed now..

I cannot comprehend how much I dislike people. It is to an extend I think I'm crazy. I think I'm a loner forever..

2011-09-10T23:54:00.002+08:00

Ssakda Ssakda

2011-09-05T23:40:00.003+08:00

People don't really get each other because they are not in the situations each experienced. It's like, very annoying when people just suggest any stupid comment without even knowing the truth. Like seriously?????? Do you even know what I'm going through? It's like.. This is the surface of me, ok it's like a rectangle - [] but inside I'm [!@#*&((@*#&(&@]You get it? Because you live in a very fortunate environment. Given things you need/want/asked. You don't understand the ok, do I call it pain.. ok the pain I'm going through. ok stop. end bb

2011-09-05T23:36:00.001+08:00

I'm actually happy with what I am doing for the holidays - watching RM non stop. Ok I am crazy. I don't really have dates for this holidays thus, I have a sad life. Ok stop hahahaha.It seems so pathetic cos I'm talking to myself... Oh my........ goshI have to become independent! Anyway, I'm so excited for the Bangkok trip! God bless everything will go smoothly!!!!! ~Decided that I shall go shopping alone and all!~goodnight!! ~

2011-08-27T20:30:00.000+08:00

2011-08-27T11:44:00.001+08:00

feel like going to United States for just a short 3 months holiday like Joy ever since she told us her encounters and experiences there. It seems fun and hell exciting! It's like a blank sheet of paper (me) meeting color pencils (them) and have them add some colors in my life! Wish I could meet people of different races besides the basic 4 races in Singapore. Feel like having a total random conversation with a random person on the bus. Or in the cafe or somewhere some place. The likelihood of me having fun there is 100%. Ok I feel sad now.It's time to save up and get ready to go in 5 years. Promise.x

2011-08-26T19:30:00.000+08:00

2011-08-26T04:00:00.001+08:00

2011-08-26T04:00:00.000+08:00

2011-08-26T02:47:00.000+08:00

2011-08-25T00:30:00.000+08:00

2011-08-24T21:49:00.000+08:00

Jeremiah 17:7
“ Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, And whose hope is the LORD.

2011-08-24T21:37:00.001+08:00

today's breakdown was unexpectable yet inevitable.

2011-08-12T15:20:00.000+08:00

2011-08-10T14:15:00.000+08:00

2011-08-09T17:10:00.000+08:00

2011-08-08T12:50:00.000+08:00

It's never the same.

What you did for one, that one shall never repay back the same.

True. People don't treasure. Only when things are gone, they start to regret.

Why?

I treasure many people. the top 5 people in my heart, may slot me number 3/4/5 and so on and forth in their hearts.

This is not a post where I praise myself.

This is just a simple post of friends.

Whenever my friends have problems, I'd do my very best to help them.

But when I need help, no one is there.

It gets so tiring. Number 1 in my heart treats me like no.2 or 3 4 5 in their heart.

I'm not saying that everyone should treat me no.1.

But basically, all of you should know where you stand in my heart, but please don't forfeit your placing in my heart.

Whatever I do, I can never get the full support from people.

What I like, everything.

And if you don't like it, you just have to say. There's no need to beat around the bush.

I should win the World's best pathetic person.

Everything I do, in the end, I've to follow suit of the person's ideation.

Because I've so little friends and being on a not-so-good terms with my parents, I cannot afford to lose more friends. I've gave in so much until one day, I realized I'm not who I'm originally is. I've changed. Just to fit in.

My friends weigh so much in my heart. However, do I weigh as much as how I weigh them in their hearts?

If relationships were just like physics, I put a paper of a certain force on the table and the table would push back the equal amount of force to balance. Why can't life be like that?

We are twisted and wrapped with things that will destroy our original nature.

2011-08-04T17:13:00.000+08:00

2011-08-02T15:01:00.000+08:00

2011-07-30T14:09:00.000+08:00

2011-07-28T19:29:00.003+08:00

I don't want to be confine in a little box. I want to be free. I want to do whatever I want. Age is not the issue. I don't want to be ordinary, not the girl next door. I don't and will not care whatever people think about. I am going to do what I like.
Besides, who are you to stop me?